A New Record!

12 laps today at the Y! That's 24 "ryan laps" and 1/3 of a mile! And nothing floating on the surface that actually belongs in the human body. What a great day at the pool!

A Wonderful Day at the Pool

As mentioned in a previous post, I am now swimming at the YMCA three days a week after work. I claimed to have swam 12 laps in the post and, in a way, I did. However, those are "ryan laps". A "ryan lap" is from one end of the pool to the other as opposed to the technical lap consisting of swimming to the opposite end and back. So technically, I only swam 6 laps...but 12 makes me feel better so I have designated them "ryan laps".

That little 7 year old joker who swam from Alcatraz to San Francisco has inspired me. If he can accomplish that, I can swim laps three times a week and I'm dedicated to doing it. However, there are some things that can get in the way of my dedication and one of those things happened today. I had gotten into the pool and completed 2 laps (4 ryan laps) and stopped to rest. The gentleman in the lane next to mine was resting at the same time so I struck up a conversation. I'm trying to talk to more strange people nowadays to prove to myself that I can do it. You see, I consider myself "socially challenged". I'm not the greatest conversationalist and usually keep to myself for the most part. Well, now I'm trying to break out of my cone of silence and talk to more people so I started talking to my new friend in the next lane. I then swam one more lap to make it a total of 3. In the process of swimming that lap, I heard a lifeguard blow his whistle. I knew I had done nothing wrong so I ignored it and continued swimming. By the time I completed that lap the lifeguard was waiting on me and told me that a kid threw up in the pool and an evacuation had been declared. They needed to take care of the problem with chemicals. When he told me that chunks had been blown in the pool where I was swimming, I almost "ralphed" myself. My day of swimming was cut short.

I went to the locker room to gather my stuff and began talking to somebody else. He had heard of the incident himself and was hoping the pool would reopen in the next 40 minutes because he had a swim class. I told him I probably couldn't get back in the pool knowing what had just happened. He said he didn't care because when he was a member of another sports club, he had actually seen excrement floating in the water and would just pick it up and put it in the skimmer. I almost threw up again when he said that! I immediately thought of the classic scene from Caddyshack when Bill Murray (a.k.a. Carl Spackler) drained the pool and found the Baby Ruth that had been mistaken for something else, sniffed it, and took a bite. I would not put that past this man I was talking to. What kind of a person is this?! Who willingly touches someone else's poo? I have to admit that I am emotionally scarred from today's events. Hopefully, I can recover in time to continue my swimming tomorrow. Needless to say, I will scan that pool like a hawk for any foreign objects that might be afloat. Oh the joy of a public pool.

The Results Are In!

A week and a half ago, I published a post regarding another setup that had been arranged for me. I was supposed to meet her at a birthday party but she never showed up. It turns out she was sick that day. I finally ended up getting her number and calling her to ask her to have lunch. Well, that took place last Friday and the results are in. This is almost as exciting as seeing who will be voted off of American Idol . Or maybe if you're interested in The Bachelor , you may be wondering if she received a rose. Sorry...no rose was given. No fireworks, sparks, or clickage took place. Now she wasn't ugly and I'm sure there are many guys who would love to go out with her. However, I don't fall into that category.

Once again, a setup that involves me has fallen through. Maybe that's what I get for advertising it in a public forum. It seems like I can find something wrong with anybody these days and I have a short list involving my lunch date. When I first mentioned this possibility to a friend of mine, she immediately said, "Now Ryan, she's not gonna be perfect." I understand that and I'm not looking for Ms. Perfect. However, I am looking for someone who has that certain "something" that results in the previously mentioned clickage. The search continues. However, I will not be advertising any other possibilities until something actually works. So sit back and enjoy the suspense. The next time you read a post about a female in my life, it will probably be when I'm buying the ring.

No More Mr. Niceguy

Ok...I'm through giving away money! No more Mr. Niceguy for me. I have very graciously been contributing money to the YMCA for the past several months. I joined early in the year and made two trips to use the pool. These were early morning trips and it was so crowded! I actually had to share a swim lane with someone! As if it's not disturbing enough thinking about the various bodily fluids that are released in a public pool, I was also having to share a lane and be a lot closer to a complete stranger than comfort would allow. I am now beginning to go after work and it is much less crowded...especially since most of the swimmers are outside now.

Today's swim consisted of a valiant effort on my part. I ended my exercise having completed 12 laps (with many stops at each end of the pool). What a sad display of swimming! Needless to say, I am far from being my childhood Superfriend hero Aquaman. What made matters worse was the lady swimming in the lane next to me. She didn't stop for a single moment of rest until she was ready to go! And then when I saw her climb out of the pool, I noticed that she was much older than I thought. I asked how long she had been swimming and she said 10 years. Maybe in 10 years I'll be able to swim non-stop and hardly break a sweat. I was having trouble forming words when talking to her because my heart was beating so quickly after only 8 laps. What a sad display of swimming! Anyway, I must say that I'm proud of myself for making the decision to begin again. My money is not being wasted and I'm actually getting some good exercise after work. If I can keep this up, I'll be working out Mondays and Fridays and swimming Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday. This old body will be whipped into shape eventually.

By the way, for those of you who are wondering what happened with the setup described in the previous post, it didn't happen. She had a virus and we never met. However, I have contacted her by phone and a lunch has been planned. Updates will come.

Another Setup

I can't count the number of times I've heard the statement "Y'all would be great together. Why haven't I thought of this sooner?!" Well, here we go again. One of my chiropractors (that sounds sad) and my masseuse both thought of me the other day when discussing a friend of theirs. "Ryan would be great for her!" So I spoke with chiropractor/masseuse Keely when setting up a massage with foo-foo masseuse Teresa (it's a rough life) and the presentation was made. I informed Keely that I am strictly opposed to blind dates because they have been SO unfruitful in the past. Even though it might seem shallow, I had to at least see a picture before any action was taken. Keely then invited me to her daughter's 2nd birthday party so I could see this incredible person up close. While talking to both Keely and Teresa this past Tuesday after an incredible 90 minute foo-foo massage, they were both excited about the opportunity. Here is the description of my soon-to-be new friend:

1. 31 years old (not too old or too young)
2. Never married (red flag or not?)
3. 5'-4" - 5'-5" (not too tall or too short)
4. 115 - 120 pounds (sounds like a good weight for her height)
5. Master's degree in Psychology (pretty AND smart)
6. In good shape (in the words of Keely, "I know...I've massaged her...she's firm!")
7. Fair skin (there go the beach trips)
8. Shoulder length blonde hair (nice)
9. Blue eyes (even nicer)
10. Looking for a good Christian man (Present!)
11. Soft spoken (hopefully still a good conversationalist)
12. Motherly (don't worry, Mom...she can't replace you)
13. Good cook (yeah...but can she cook Spam correctly?)
14. Country girl ("Yee-haw!")

Saturday has been declared the "Day of Meeting". I feel like my life is turning into a soap opera. I grew up watching "Days of Our Lives" (and still do occasionally) and you may remember "Ryan's Hope" as well. I think I'll combine the two. Stay tuned to the new hit "Ryan's Hope That Something Exciting Will Soon Happen in the Days of His Life" and I'll let you know what future episodes might bring.

To All Single Parents

After watching American Idol and getting two doses of Scrubs , I'm finally taking time tonight to post. What's on my mind? Not a lot right now because I'm trying to recover from a sickness. But there is one thing I've been thinking about for the past 4 days. When I first brought Lainey home (see the previous post "My New Roommate") I new I had a lot of work ahead of me. This was a puppy that had no training at all and it was totally up to me to begin housetraining her. What a formidable task! The constant soiling of my carpet was enough to make me scream and I had to keep my eyes on her constantly. As a result, I was not able to do the things that I loved to do such as cranking up some great music and spending hours sitting at my drawing board or sitting at my keyboard trying to teach myself how to play once again. All of my time was dedicated to Lainey and I was sacrificing pretty much everything. The times when I was actually away from the house doing something fun, I was also feeling guilty while Lainey was left outside in the backyard. Sacrificing hobbies, cleaning carpet, and feeling guilty was my life.

I would tell people that I felt like the single parent of an infant child. I know you're saying "Come on, Ryan...it's a dog!" I know she's a dog but it was my responsibility to take care of her because no one else was here. Well, I have recently returned Lainey to the Humane Society because I didn't feel like I was able to take care of her the way that I should. I'm hoping she will find a better home with children who have more time to play with her. It was a painful decision because I miss her cute little face and seeing her run as fast as she can from the back of the yard to me when I would get home from work. However, I am now able to enjoy my hobbies and do the things that I was not able to do earlier. Selfish? Maybe so. But as you said, "Come on, Ryan...it's a dog!"

This experience has caused me to think about single parents who have it far worse than I did. I know these people have to sacrifice everything to take care of their children. That is a HUGE responsibility, especially when the children are very young. I know of individuals who are in this situation and they have my utmost respect. To totally forget about your own needs and direct all of your energy toward taking care of someone else is an admirable accomplishment. To all single parents...my hat's off to you!