Top 8 Observations From My Trip to Las Vegas

I chose 8 observations because this will already be a long post and the Top 10 would have made it longer. It was a very interesting trip and this post will explain why. These are my top 8 observations in no particular order:

1. Minimum Hip Width for Flight Attendants

Ok...an airplane is cramped as it is. The seats are too small, the overhead compartments are too small, if you put your carry-on under the seat in front of you it takes away leg room, etc., etc. For these reasons I have made a decision to reserve aisle seats to possibly allow me to stretch my legs at times and lean toward the aisle to avoid personal contact with whoever is sitting next to me. My well-thought-out plan is destroyed when airlines employ flight attendants with a hip width that doesn't allow them to walk down the aisle. I can't count the number of times my shoulder was pummeled by an "out of control" hip. My right shoulder was bruised on the trip from Atlanta to Vegas. A new rule for airlines: no flight attendants with hips that exceed 18" in width. This is necessary for passenger safety.

2. Airplane Movie Privacy

This was the first trip where I saw the screens on the back of seats that allow you to watch TV, a movie, or play trivia. I chose not to watch a movie because of the requirement to swipe your card and pay a fee that I'm sure was much too high. Anyway, a nice lady sitting on the aisle seat one row in front of me on the opposite side decided to watch a movie and chose "Failure to Launch". This is the movie that is infamous for the scene of Terry Bradshaw in the nude. Please feel free to pause here to settle your upset stomach and clear your mind of the very disturbing image I just created). I had a very clear view of her screen and could see what was showing although I couldn't hear. You might know that as I was reading my book, I looked up just in time to see Bradshaw turn and walk away from the camera revealing his bare tush. Great timing, Ryan! I've never had a problem with airsickness but I think I came as close as I ever have to using the barf bag. Being the Pittsburgh Steeler fan that I am and have been since the late '70s, I have always love Bradshaw. However, I seem to have lost a lot of respect and admiration for the man after being exposed to his "crease". A word of warning if you decide to see that movie.

3. Bush Urination

Is this legal in Nevada or did I just see several immature guys on the Strip? I'm leaning toward the latter. The first time I emerged from my hotel to experience the sights and sounds of Vegas, I walked by a guy who had quickly stepped to the side of the entrance to the hotel and began to wizz in the shrubbery as cars drove by. I witnessed someone else do the same thing on another night farther down the Strip. Of course, now that I think about it, everything else is legal in Vegas so why not public urination?

4. Women Available 24 Hours

I was reminded of this every time I wandered outside the hotel. I saw it on the sides of trucks driving the streets for the sole purpose of advertising. It would have a picture of a beautiful woman (scantily clad, of course), a phone number, and wording telling us that she is available 24 hours a day. There were men (and women) along the sidewalks of the Strip desperately trying to give a little magazine or card to every male who walked by. These also contained half-naked women and phone numbers. Some of the peddlers were even wearing bright red t-shirts advertising women available 24 hours a day. What a great career.
"So what does your son do, Mr. Jones?"
"Oh, he tries to lure men walking the streets of Vegas into a one-night stand that could lead to the destruction of their families!"
"I'm sure you wish he was more successful."
"Well, what does your daughter do?"
"Oh, she publicly displays her body on the sides of trucks advertising her availability. Yes, we're so proud of her."

5. Airline Gas

No, I'm not referring to the volatile mixture of flammable liquid hydrocarbons derived chiefly from crude petrol. This gas is more lethal, especially when it's coming from the man buckled in the seat next to you. Now I have to admit, there were times after a Vegas buffet when I would release amidst a crowd of people. But everyone was moving and could quickly flee the general area. However, there is NO excuse for staying in your airplane seat between two other people when a perfectly good restroom is available on the plane. I try to avoid public restrooms whenever possible, but I would never subject two nice people to that kind of punishment when I could easily get rid of the source.

6. Slow Walking + Bad Spacing

I still don't understand it. I'm walking along the Strip trying desperately to get from point A to point B and everybody thinks that it's their duty to prevent me from doing that in a timely manner. Vegas is SO crowded. It got to the point where I began developing a dislike for people just because they were in front of me. And here's what makes it worse. I would see two people who obviously were together. There's a man and a woman who are either boyfriend/girlfriend or husband/wife. Yet they insist on walking with space in between them. So not only are they walking much too slowly, they are also spaced just far enough apart that I can't walk between them. They are taking up way too much of the sidwalk and making it difficult for me to pass them with oncoming traffic. It reminded me of driving on Highway 82 between Prattville and Tuscaloosa when you get behind someone refusing to drive the speed limit, so you need to pass them. Yet it's difficult to do so because they leave just enough space between them and the car in front of them so that you are forced to pass both cars at the same time. And you never know when a log truck is going to come barreling around one of those curves and take you out. I know that's a weird thought to have on the streets of Vegas but you have to admit, it's a perfect parallel.

7. A Lack of Dress

This was everywhere. I guess all females who go to Vegas think any kind of modest dress code can be thrown out the window. I saw girls in some of the smallest and tightest outfits. I think they even had the showgirls beat. And here's the kicker. Some even seemed concerned that something might show. For example, I was walking behind a girl in a VERY short skirt who was part of a slow walking/bad spacing group (and she really didn't belong in that skirt to begin with). Every 3 or 4 steps she would reach behind her and pull the bottom of her skirt to make sure no undies were showing. Ok, explain this to me. If you are so concerned about your underwear showing, why wear such a short skirt to begin with? It makes no sense! There were obviously girls who didn't care what you saw and walked proudly. But for those who were hanging on to at least a little bit of decency, why flirt with a revealing skirt to begin with. Ease your mind and wear something that actually comes down below your butt cheeks.

8. Amazing Grace on the Strip

Last, but certainly not least, is the most ironic experience I had in Vegas. I was walking up the Strip past signs and advertisements with half naked women all over them, people were losing their life savings inside every casino, others were getting drunk out of their minds and not sure what else was going to happen that night, and who knows what else was taking place behind closed doors. As I made my way up the sidewalk, I heard some music playing. As I got closer I recognized the tune. It was actually "Amazing Grace" blaring on the Strip of Las Vegas late at night! Is this a ploy to make everyone feel better about all of the improprieties they were involved in while in Sin City? Do whatever you want to because God doesn't care...His grace will cover you. Let's see...what was it Paul said in Romans 6? Oh yeah, that's right! "Shall we go on sinning so that grace may increase?" And what was his response to this rhetorical question? Oh yeah, that's right! "Certainly not!" Maybe they should have been playing the Bible on tape so everyone could hear the words of Paul. Would it have made a difference? For some reason I think not.